What Happens Next?

I could really care less about new year resolutions.

I am always evaluating myself and changing

(or saying I'll fix or change something)

what isn't working.

So how about that?

If you like setting new year resolutions that is awesome,

I just choose not to.

I say do what works for you.

I think I don't set goals

because deep down inside

I don't want to face the disappointment

of not meeting the goals I set for myself.

I have always been hard on myself

and a long time ago my husband said to me,

"You must be exhausted from carrying yourself on your back all day long."

At first I thought he was making a fat joke

(he has never said anything bad about my weight- that's why he is perfect)

but he meant that I was always on my own back,

second guessing myself,

criticizing myself for everything

I did or didn't do right

Parenting, eating, talking, homemaking, exercising.

The list goes on forever.

I get so sad at New Year's.

I want to freeze time.

I've been so lucky to have wonderful Christmases

spent with my family and loved ones.

This year hit a little different for a couple of reasons.

This break I was so lucky because all three kids are home.

#1 is living with us while he figures out what his next move is.

#2 came home a week early because she couldn't deal with the filthy apartment she was living in.

#3 still lives here because he's in high school and I won't let him leave. :)

Anyway, I have been flooded with memories

Christmas vacations past

I can't help but wonder

how will things change this next year

and will they change next year?

I am happy that the fates have allowed us all to be together.

What happens next?

Will #1 move far away and not be able to come home?

Will #2 want to stay at her apartment instead of living with me for 3 weeks?

What about #3? Will he go on a mission for our church? Will he move away?

What if one of them gets married? (gasp-because per the kids that's not happening.)

And most importantly will all these baby adults grow up, get married and be happy, successful people?

So many questions on this mom's heart!

I just want them to be happy and successful-

I want to be together with them

and be part of their lives.

I'm impatient to see what's next.

Fearful and excited may be better descriptors.

Faith and patience are not my strong points.

But faith and time are what I have

so I will be happy about that

and thankful for an awesome family.